Makeup: to cover more than just your spots…
It looks pretty, colorful, shimmery, glossy. It promises to make you look good, and love you back if you do. It won’t break your heart, it won’t say mean things to you, it won’t make you feel bad. It fits you, no matter what size you are. It doesn’t discriminate – No! Not You! You are not pretty / thin / smart / fair / dusky / intelligent / deserving / kind enough, put me back! – it never says this.
Makeup sometimes is more than just some colored cream or powder that you buy to cover a spot on your face, sometimes it is the balm you need to conceal the hurt, bitterness, pain or emptiness that scar your days.
It is easier to obsess & fantasize over your next trip & purchase than face the reality. Also known as retail therapy. It does work pretty well at times. Until someone points out or worse, objects to your craziness.
Of course, you get mad. Caught between feeling guilty for blowing up money on what people think are “useless things” and defending your behavior, you wonder how to explain to them what it “really” does for you. How do you explain that how the world seems perfect, even if it is just for a few moments, when you live that way? How do you explain that you are not strong enough yet to face your issues? What really troubles you…
Sometimes you don’t want to address those issues, because there are no answers to them. No solutions. Sometimes you don’t even know what it is, but you know enough that you don’t want to scratch the surface.
It is easier to analyze a product for its pros & cons, than life. Your friends reach out to you only when they want to unload their burdens, their sorrows. But you somehow can’t do it. You unload to the waterproof mascara adorning your lashes, and hope it will support you and stay on when the tears flow. Because they will, it is only a matter of when & where.
Some people resort to drinking to forget their sorrows, some do drugs, some string in & out of relationships faster than your grandmom knits, some work 14 hours a day wishing that their life made as much sense as that excel spreadsheets. But some of us buy makeup / shoes / clothes in the hope that at least our outside can be a pretty shimmery pink, even if the inside of us is a muddled grey.
When I shop, the world gets better, and the world is better, but then it's not, and I need to do it again. - Rebecca Bloomwood (Confessions of a Shopaholic)
PS: I’ve been there, when I was working with a boss who I hated more than I have hated any living person, it was at its peak. I also have issues from childhood, having been a victim of abuse and I'm also dyslexic, so I have plenty of baggage.
I don’t do it anymore. At least not 99% of the time. I have my grumpy days, but I don’t *have* to do it as much now. It hasn’t been easy, still is tough at times. But if any of you are here, know that you will get through. It will pass. And if you need support, you can reach out to me on gtalk.
Sweetest post-script I have ever read! Love the initiative Tanz, way to go <3ReplyDelete
Thanks Keerthi! :DDelete
Loved every line of this post T. You're a wonderful writer, and you're right-ReplyDelete
It will pass.
Stay strong, and yes, a bit of shopping always helps :)
Thanks a lot CZ!! Yup, sometimes a bit of shopping can be a good solution :DDelete
"T" it was a nice read and very touching ... have been through so many ups and down in my life here and on personal front too .. makeup to me is an easy way to forget my tensions and now that am indulging more and more i see my family is happy that i have found a way to make myself happy :D :D ... am looking forward for a heart chat with you XOXO :D :DReplyDelete
I am happy to learn Rashmi that your family is extremly supportive :D.. Yes, I look forward to talking to you too! :DDelete
All I can say is..I love that you write your heart out!! and I am all ears if u ever need to talk!!! I dunno how much sense it wud make to talk it out to someone u've hardly known..but then sometimes u need to talk to ppl who dont really "know you".ReplyDelete
Awwww! That is so sweet Kejal! Thanks for the offer! I might just take you up on it :D :DDelete
Yes, sometimes it is easier to talk to someone new, there is no judgement and the opinion is far more objective & neutral.
I cant convey to you how beautifully you have written this! Its like reading a little piece your heart. I have also been in a similar situation with my previous boss and job, every day was a battle and each day I dreaded waking up in the morning. It got to the stage where I just couldn't take any more and I gave up. Lusting after lipgloss and blush is a fun distraction but eventually we have to face reality. I agree with Kej...sometimes its easier to talk to someone who doesnt really know you. Its so kind of you to offer an ear to anyone who fancies a chat. Its also really nice to read a article which is so refreshingly honest and sincere. :-)ReplyDelete
Cherry!! Thank you so much! :DDelete
I'm sorry you were in a similar situation with a bad boss, I can totally empathize with you and I know that "dread" you talk about it. It was a constant every morning & sunday evenings were the worst.
great post Tanveer, you are a powerful writer :), Love reading you posts ..ReplyDelete
Thanks a lot Saumya :DDelete
Loved this post so much.The way u have expressed the feelings is so touching.I hv been there too,when i felt the only thing that could help was some retail therapy.I shopped like crazy but like u said it was a temporary relief. Now that i look back...i know it was not the solution but somehow helped me through that phase...so be it.I don't have regrets. And yes i also know that it will pass...just a matter of time.Till then whatever helps.. :)ReplyDelete
Thanks Jyotirupa! I'm glad this stuck a chord with you. I know, it helped me quite a lot too, but after a while it got a bit chaotic for me.Delete
Oh yes, I can relate to it! I have talked about my depression before on my blog, but really shopping does very little to conceal, let alone eliminate the real issues in your life. It IS fun, though! :)ReplyDelete
If it gives you happiness, then go for it...but it does nothing for your life growth, you have to keep THAT in mind. And remember, we all have our baggage.
Yes, I agree Shivani. It acts like a fun distraction, and since on the surface it doesn't carry any negative connotations, you get away with it for a while. It is okay to indulge as long as it doesn't start affecting other parts of your life :DDelete
I have been there. Once I was soooooo upset with my low back pain which was not allowing me to even get up from my bed, I was soooo angry with the world as I was bedridden for 3 months straight, I blew a huge amount of cash shopping online(retail therapy) but honestly, those material things didn't comfort me and now I feel that I understand things better and I am trying to take life in its stride. Even now I have my nagging back pain but its not as bad as before. I rely on my family and u may find this corny but on spiritual therapy rather than retail therapy.ReplyDelete
Anju!! I read your post about that, & I remember even then, I felt I kinda knew where it was coming from.. I hope you feel better & recover completely soon :D.. Spiritual therapy sounds great ya! It must be more fulfilling :DDelete
*hugs* This is a wonderful post. There is nothing more I can add that hasn't been written in the comments above. Will just repeat, that if you ever want to talk we are here.ReplyDelete
Thanks a lot Nirah *hugs back*.. :DDelete
Wonderful writeup Tanz..we all want those momentary happiness which seems to be aloof all the time..be it in makeup or retail therapy but if it gives that momentary happiness, it is worth it!ReplyDelete
Thanks Pooja! yes, we all seek happiness in our own different ways :DDelete
It takes courage and a frank attitude to write what you wrote here.. feels really good to read your posts. Your blog readers would always be there to listen to you, understand and cheer you all the way through.. Take care :)ReplyDelete
Thanks a lot Neha! :D Thanks for being there :)Delete
To find some one to talk is a problem in itself ..I lost my mom to an anguished battle with brain tumour one and half years ago. its still a battle for me everyday to brush aside those memories of angst,pain and her helplessness and remember her for all that she was before cancer engulfed her ! i find nobody wants to listen and then listen some more.[not even friends]... and pain refuses to go away.I was never a makeup person.... and i started this make up buying only in last 2 years.And no, makeup does not make me happy! Earlier it was just lipsticks and kajal and it was okay too !ReplyDelete
Zee Bee, I'm so sorry about your Mom. I cannot even pretend to understand your battle with emotions, and today's world is such that ppl just want to talk about happy things. If you need someone to talk to, I'm there :)Delete
Thanks Tanveer !Delete
Yeah ,people want to talk only about happy stuff or irrelevant gibberish all the time...when sadness befalls such people they shouldn't complain why they don't have anyone to talk to !Your gesture and willingness to lend a ear to random people speaks volumes about you and your history of pain that you have seen through. Only those who have suffered and that too deeply can empathise !
Zee, I know what it feels like when you need someone to talk to, but there is no one :)Delete
loved this post..when I have a bad/rough day,i go for this retail therapy..works wonders to my mood..bloows my pocket though..but never mind..:)ReplyDelete
and u r soo right that people consider these unnecessary/useless..i have been told so mny times by my parents n relatives...so thought of naming my blog 'few unnecessary stuff' (pun intended)
LOL! Yes, it does make one feel better.. I love the story of your blog name, I always used to wonder why it was called "few unnecessary stuff", but now I get it :D..Delete
Brilliant post! loved...ReplyDelete
u hv poured ur feelings so well in d post... life is a roller-coaster dear. sometimes we are on TOP of d world n smtyms at bottom.
Loved ur post
Thanks a lot Vanu! Yes, life is a roller-coaster, one's just gotta ride it :DDelete
Dear Tanz,I couldn't help calling 'dear'. I am really touched by this post. Yes, I do relate to this post and honestly I am aware of this. Because I know my sin, perhaps things are a bit easier now. Facing the dilemmas and standing at crossroads is not easy and indeed a little escape is good, but yes, it becomes dangerous when you wan't to live in the land where you have escaped and never come back.ReplyDelete
This post is really comforting in more ways than you actually might know :)
Thanks you so much
Hey Nive!! Thanks so much, I'm glad the post helps you in what ever little way it can. If you need someone to talk to, I'm there :DDelete
wonderfully written !!ReplyDelete
Thanks Riddhi :)Delete
u r a wonderful blogger tanveer..u write so brilliantly...every word of this touched me...i just want to read moreeee!!!ReplyDelete
Thanks so much Pavani! :DDelete
wow Tanveer...first of all, I would say it takes a great courage to pour out every feeling in a post so publicly!!! And, yes, I can totally see what you mean....yes, people do say its meaningless but it helps a lot....last year I have blown up huge amount of money in retail therapy and it did do a bit but for that moment, it made me happy :D even now when I feel low, I look up hair tutorials and style my hair or do something fun :D I know people would call it vain but its something which simply makes me happy and helps me live in the moment :) and, the best part of what you wrote which I loved was the line where you say its easy to debate on the pros and cons of a product than the life...that is way too ironic and true :)ReplyDelete
Hey Swati, Thanks a lot for your sweet comment! I agree, it does help quite a bit. A lot of this blog is because I was so low then and didn't know what to feel better, so I shopped & blogged. :DDelete
haha....that's quite a coincidence...my blog is because of the low point once and then I kept on it on and off and somehow it became a part of my daily routine :)Delete
Amazing post..really struck a chord with me..like alota others I've also been there..the stress of havin a stammer, ill health in d family, simple depression ...thru all of this shopping was the only constant in my life I felti cud trust..took a while to get out of it and realise its just momentary peace...it feels so nice...bt only momentarily and then the emptiness returns..ReplyDelete
Tans if u Eva need someone t talk to...my ears r open :) may seem weird t chat wid someone u hardly kno..but at times I guess it's easier to have an known sounding oars than a known one :)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts so honestly here Zara! :D.. and thanks for your offer to chat - I may take you up on it :DDelete
wow tanveer it takes immense amount of courage to confess like this but catharsis is a great tool for self-improvement...and the best part is the amount of people u have helped..as can be seen in the comments :)ReplyDelete
I used to write a diary earlier JanisJ.. sometimes it used to work, sometimes it just intensified the feelings :).. I knew I wasn't the only one, but I am quite overwhelmed by kindness of all of you who have commented here. Thank You! :)Delete
Every word you've written really struck a cord here... I so totally relate to this... I wanna hug you :)ReplyDelete
Many things happen in our lives which we can't tell anyone. we have our own way to deal with things/situations.
I just loved this post, and read it again many times.. so that I don't miss out on anything.ReplyDelete
Ek bada wala teddy Hug :-*
Great post T :) :) can totally relate to it but sumtyms even shopping doesn't help me!! But yes it will pass :)ReplyDelete
very touching thoughts.....ReplyDelete